The Wrath of Dawn

Donut

2012-02-07T12:37:00.000-03:30

PR NEWS PHOTO

BLOGGER I saw people talking about eating donuts on the innerwebs. Let me show you it.

Bill C-11

2012-01-28T13:02:00.000-03:30

Which is Canadian for SOPA. The Walrus has addressed this far more eloquently than I ever could, so I'll send you over to his blog.P.S. This is my first post from an iPad, so forgive me if anything is screwed up, format-wise.

Coo-eee!

2012-01-27T02:42:00.001-03:30

Stuff wot I put together in a dish.

Gosh. It's 2012 already. How are you? Is anyone still here? How was your Christmas? 2011 was an exciting year. I didn't have to put the dog down after all. I renovated my bathroom. Tore that sucker right down to the studs and built 'er back up. Okay. I didn't. But I paid the men who did. Had new siding, doors and windows put on. It's survived two hurricanes, so I guess they nailed it all down properly. I don't have cancer after all. Riley and Tigger have seemingly declared some kind of detente and the outright cat wars have ceased. Bought some Paderno pots for a shockingly low, low price. How do I stand the excitement, you might well ask. But that's not important right now. Tell me what's up in your neck of the woods?

NoMoBloPoWotsIt

2011-12-01T20:41:00.001-03:30

That went well, I think.

Add an image from your computer

2011-11-12T14:14:00.001-03:30

Stoopid iPad. Won't upload images from itself to this.

On the horns of a moral dilemma

2011-11-10T19:13:00.001-03:30

Do I concede defeat with NoMoBloPoWotsIt only 7 days in? Or do I backdate posts? Or do I go Christmas shopping?

No contest.

New post

2011-11-06T21:00:00.002-03:30

Innit?

Stand back!

2011-11-05T07:00:00.000-02:30

... or I'll spit in your coffee

2011-11-04T07:30:00.000-02:30

Know what I'm sick of? People who complain that I am who I am. I am allowed to be soft-spoken, you know. Do I complain because you're a loud, opinionated, egomaniac who sucks all of the oxygen out of the room as soon as you enter it? I do not.

Let me be me.

Off with their heads!

2011-11-03T13:59:00.000-02:30

That's what my life needs. An activatible guillotine fire curtain. Do you suppose anyone would suspect what I was up to when I said, "Just go stand on that red line over there. Oh, no reason, really."

*hand with hatchet poised to cut fire curtain rope...*

iPadded

2011-11-02T18:37:00.002-02:30

Yeah. I succombed to the seductive power of the new gadget. But until CBC TV allows me to watch Coronation Street and NTV allows me to watch Big Bang Theory, Criminal Minds and Gray's Anotomy reliably, I shall not be impressed.

Much.

In Tardis mode

2011-11-01T18:09:00.002-02:30

If I backdate this a day will I still qualify for NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month)?

What it should say on the tin

2011-05-03T18:56:00.002-02:30

Just discovered Dan Wilbur's blog Better Book Titles (via the Guardian newspaper). Brilliant!

I'd like to nominate "Moby Dick" for the title, "There's 10 Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back."

Or.

"Why does Herman Melville hate us so?"

Or.

"Call me Ishmael... one more time and I'll punch you."

He takes readers' suggestions on Fridays. Go give some books their proper names. Ya know ya wanna. He's here.

Can you tell the difference?

2011-04-29T17:55:00.005-02:30

Have you?

2011-04-29T01:23:00.000-02:30

Radio Silence

2011-04-19T18:49:00.003-02:30

This is a test of the blogging system. This is only a test. If this were a real blog post, there would be words here.

Oh.

Cops - Avian division

2011-04-14T14:10:00.000-02:30

Far out, freaky, solid and something equally psychedelic like a brown paper bag...

2011-03-22T22:53:00.002-02:30

Jeux sans frontieres

2011-03-21T20:43:00.001-02:30

Good lord.

and

and perhaps the best

Home, Sweet Home

2011-03-20T21:50:00.000-02:30

From the Department of SQUEEEE!!!

2011-03-19T21:28:00.001-02:30

Catgroove

2011-02-21T19:18:00.000-03:30

STOP CONTACTING THOSE PEOPLE!!!

2011-02-15T19:51:00.005-03:30

I must pass along to you some most valuable advice. I have received what has to be the most truly altruistic communication of my life from one Mrs. Elizabeth Rose Jones, who has, I am sure, only my best interests at heart, and now I pass this wisdom on to you.

It had the compelling subject line, STOP CONTACTING THOSE PEOPLE!!!

And proceeded as follows:

Attn: My Dear,

I am Mrs Elizabeth Rose Jones, I am a US citizen, 48 years Old. I reside here in Silver Springs Florida. My residential address is as follows. 7008 E Hwy 326 Silver Springs FLorida 34488, United States, am thinking of relocating since I am now rich. I am one of those that took part in the Compensation in Nigeria many years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid over US$20,000 while in the US, trying to get my payment all to no avail.

So I decided to travel down to Nigeria with all my compensation documents, And I was directed to meet Barrister James Rotimi, who is the member of COMPENSATION AWARD COMMITTEE, and I contacted him and he explained everything to me. He said whoever is contacting us through emails are fake.

He took me to the paying bank for the claim of my Compensation payment. Right now I am the most happiest woman on earth because I have received my compensation funds of $1,500,000.00 Moreover, Barrister James Rotimi, showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their payments and I saw your email address as one of the beneficiaries, that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people, they are not with your fund, they are only making money out of you. I will advise you to contact Barrister James Rotimi.

You have to contact him directly on this information below.

COMPENSATION AWARD HOUSE
Name : Barrister James Rotimi (Esq)
Email: barristerjamesrotimi@mail.kz
Phone Number: +234-808-454-4787.

You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you and telling you that your fund is with them, it is not in anyway with them, they are only taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing.

The only money I paid after I met Barrister James Rotimi was just US$580 for the paper works, take note of that.

Once again stop contacting those people, I will advise you to contact Barrister James Rotimi so that he can help you to Deliver your fund instead of dealing with those liars that will be turning you around asking for different kind of money to complete your transaction.

Thank You and Be Blessed.

Mrs Elizabeth Rose Jones

-----------------

I am, Mrs. Jones. I am. And I have the utmost confidence that taking the advice of someone who would spend $20,000 trying to retrieve money from Nigeria would be a wise decision on my part. Also, I derive great comfort from the COMPENSATION AWARDS COMMITTEE being capitalized. If it appears in ALL CAPS it must be so, for no one would type in ALL CAPS if they were making anything up, would they? That has soothed any doubts I might have and convinced me throughly of its veracity.

Be blessed, Mrs. Jones. Be blessed. I must say, you're using a better class of interpreter these days.

What in the name of...

2011-01-28T18:32:00.002-03:30

For the love o' Mike, who's reading this blog? Must be bots.

There have been between 193 and 297 page loads over the past week.

Between 134 and 207 unique visitors.

And between 5 and 8 return visits. These would be the people who've been around here long enough to know that I have slipped into a MAJOR blogging slump and THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE, FOLKS.

Be gone, bots!

* Research would indicate that it is the picture of the cute, ickle hamster on the Dec 17 post that is drawing all the unusual traffic from all over the world. So sadly, cutest hamster in the world. must go. Good-bye hamster!

I'm too sexy for my corporate monkey over-pressed shirt

2011-01-03T23:55:00.003-03:30

My mother taught me better than to mock others, but it's been a tough year. I can use all the laughs I can get. And what's funnier than guys who make more in a week than I make in a year? Who have a company car and all gas expenses paid? Who have company time shares in Florida. Excuse me. I have to cry now.

*******

And we're back. I give you: Sexy Executives. Don't drink coffee while you're looking at it. If you must, I strongly suggest you have paper towels at the ready.

Your computer monitor will thank you.

In which I have a birthday

2010-12-23T16:27:00.003-03:30

Happy birthday to me.

Going to the movies with my younger child this evening. This having grown-up children gig is pretty sweet.

Bagpuss

2010-12-22T01:27:00.000-03:30

What were they smoking in the 1980s?

Surprise!

2010-12-17T19:35:00.004-03:30

A post.

[This space formerly occupied by an image of a small, cuddly rodent.]

You can thank me later.

Also. I want a refund for 2010. It sucked hamster balls.

Blateraton

2010-11-18T18:29:00.001-03:30

In lieu of the usual senseless (but perfectly cromulent) blateraon featured on this here weblog, I bring you Save the Words. You can thank me for adimpleating your day later.

Samuel Barber - Adagio for Strings

2010-11-16T00:44:00.001-03:30

Yeah, it's corny as hell, but the Desiderata got put into my head when I was an impressionable teenager in the just-post-hippie era. There are worse philosophies for life, eh?

In which our heroine shows her true colours

2010-11-13T19:52:00.002-03:30

In the pharmacy. Checking out the sample-sized tubes of hand moisturizing cream with a view to purchasing some for my purse.

I select one... unscrew the top to see what it smells like (because I hate most perfumes) and it... explodes on to my favourite scarf... Well. That's embarrassing.

So I wipe it off with my hand and proceed to the make-up department to get a tissue... and I can't get the damn stuff wiped off. Three tissues later... it's still somehow squoozing back onto my hand. And my gloves, which I'm also holding.

Finally, get it contained. Decide to look at a Christmas gift pack of something and... get some kind of lipstick/lip gloss someone else has gotten on the tag on my finger.

WT??? Go through the same routine trying to divest myself of said cosmetological substance.

Colour me CLUMSY.

2010-11-12T22:15:00.000-03:30

That is all.

Run away! Run away!

2010-10-19T23:50:00.001-02:30

see more crazy cat pics

Cookies

2010-10-18T20:00:00.000-02:30

Peanut butter cookies.

Mmmm...

Fall

2010-10-16T14:00:00.000-02:30

Or autumn, if you prefer. In most of Canada, it looks like the picture here. My birth province, New Brunswick, is known for the beauty of its fall (autumn) leaf colours.

Sadly, at least on the far east coast of this island, it isn't quite so colourful. Far fewer maple trees, for one. Too much black spruce, which has to be the bastard child of the tree world. UGH-LEE.

It seems like the least nature could do, provide us with some spectacular colour before everything goes gray, with the odd cover of white, for six months or so. Unfortunately, around here fall looks mostly like this.

Well-balanced

2010-10-13T22:44:00.003-02:30

But a freak. It's not normal to be in between, is it?

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz
The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others.
Left Brain Dominance:	(16)
Right Brain Dominance:	(16)
Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

Oh. Wait. After more research, it means genius. Well. That's better,then.

Why? WHY???

2010-10-12T23:23:00.001-02:30

Why can't I copy and paste into the blog post editing page?

Very annoying.

Happy Thanksgiving! (CDN)

2010-10-10T14:34:00.004-02:30

I have murdered a turkey in the time-honoured tradition.

Okay, I have purchased a pre-murdered turkey and am now committing indignities to the poor, not-so-wee, ded to deth creature.

For a scintilating account of how the Canadian Thanksgiving originated (43 years prior to the US), go to Yahoo! Canada News. I'd copy and paste it here for you, but there seems to be some sort of computer voodoo preventing this.

UPDATE As well as roasting a pre-murdered turkey in honour of intrepid explorer Martin Frobisher, I am also attempting to bake Downeast Maine Pumpkin Bread in the very same oven at the very same time. It will either be brilliant or an unmitigated disaster. Also, I left it too late to look for canned pumpkin purée and had to resort to buying an actual pumpkin, chopping it up, baking it and puréeing it in the food processor.

I could SO survive in the wild.

#^$%@$#& car

2010-10-06T21:45:00.004-02:30

So, multiple appointments for the next couple of days, tickets for events the next two nights, Thanksgiving coming up and what happens when I pull out of my driveway to go to a meeting tonight? The frickin' brake light comes on. The emergency brake is not on, so that means one thing... not enough pressure in the brake lines. According to the car manual, total brake failure could be imminent.

And here's the most annoying part. I had planned to put the car in the shop for regular maintenance early next week. On account of being so busy and NEEDING IT TO WORK this week.

I can't catch a break.

Heh.

UPDATE: Leaks in both brake lines. GNEEP! It's a good job I chickened out on driving it and had it towed to the garage. It'll be fixed on Tuesday. (Monday is Thanksgiving here in the Land of the Beaver.)

Is anyone out there?

2010-10-04T23:36:00.005-02:30

Natalie Dee 2008

Whoa. Where has the time gone? And look at all of you! Wow! Have you lost weight? And your hair looks fabulous! Yes. All... three of you...

Well. There was a vacation. And then there was um... September... when my hard drive gave up the ghost, corrupted sectors or segments or some kind of [insert tech babble here], except I didn't realize that it was that bad, and then two days later... HURRICANE! We had a hurricane! We never have them. Tropical storms, yes, but full-fledged hurricanes almost never. I was very fortunate not to have any damage from it, but the power was off for a couple of days and then there was the usual delay getting my Nerd to make a service call due to all the storm-related damages, only to find out that the computer was a lost cause and then YOU try to find an HP tower in this city (because that's what I wanted DAMNIT). Laptops up the YINYANG but towers not so much.

But now I'm BACK!

Hello?

Hungover Owls

2010-08-25T20:00:00.000-02:30

Seriously.

Alone. How to be it.

2010-08-17T19:06:00.000-02:30

Bulbous bouffant

2010-08-04T20:27:00.000-02:30

Mr. Badger hits the road

2010-07-15T23:53:00.001-02:30

Seen on the BBC website. Click the pic for the story.

Reminds me of this.

Can you see me now? How about now?

2010-07-14T20:26:00.002-02:30

You'll be glad to know SafeSearch works

2010-06-30T08:25:00.003-02:30

Whilst having a long-anticipated facial, it is very distrubing to have the esthetician in desperate need of blowing her nose. One doesn't really want to hear, *snork!* *sniff* *snuffle* from someone who is leaning over your head while you are lying down with your eyes closed.

All I could think, after, "Please. Stop. Blow your nose. I'll wait." was,

I am SO blogging this!

Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl

2010-06-29T14:20:00.002-02:30

Her Maj is currently this side of the pond, in case you think she's been misplaced. She's been calling it "her home away from home." And you know what that means. She's expecting us to do her laundry and loan her $50 for beer, isn't she?

And of course, we'll do it. How could you resist that face?

Rant #1

2010-06-08T21:45:00.002-02:30

People who feel they have superior taste in clothing and have editorial rights over everyone else. I shall pick my own clothes, thankewverymuch. You get to dress yourself. I get to dress me. I won't laugh if you don't.

16 Horsepower - Black Soul Choir

2010-06-07T14:36:00.002-02:30

Engrish - it's arive and well

2010-06-05T15:34:00.003-02:30

This is the inside of the travel case that came with the flatiron I bought earlier this week. The brand name on the case (but not the flatiron) is "Slappa," which will no doubt also provide a giggle for my readers on t'other side of t'pond.

Decorating cents

2010-06-04T18:18:00.001-02:30

This chair came from my parents' house. I don't know exactly how old it is, but I can't remember it not being there. When I was a child, it was covered with a striped fabric in burgundy and cream, a fabric I think I would still like. But it got worn and my parents had it re-upholstered in the 70s. (How can you tell?) I thought this floral fabric was hideous then and I haven't really changed my mind.

What do you think? Is this back in fashion or does it need re-covering STAT!?! Answers on a postcard to the usual, etc., etc..

Don't be distracted by the unmatching carpet. That's being torn up soon.

Guilt, thy name is me

2010-06-01T23:32:00.004-02:30

Why do I feel such guilt whenever I buy anything for myself? I just purchased this headboard pictured here online. It is reasonably priced and beyond practical. It's not a $6,000 antique fussy, canopy princess-y type headboard, (NTTAWWT) it is a sturdy, very practical with a little twist of style (in my mind, anyway) bookcase head board.

I have a full time job. I don't squander my money. My last furniture purchase was in 2002 or thereabouts - a couch/sofa/chesterfield (pick your vernacular) and matching arm chair for which I paid $125.00, second hand. ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS CDN, people. It was about 15 years old, but in mint condition, having been literally only driven by a little old lady. New, similar sets would probably have a zero in between that 5 and that decimal point.

I have not had a headboard for my bed since 1999. Give or take a year.

Whence the guilt?

A certain no-longer-married-to-me person has a lot to answer for. But after 15 years, shouldn't my sense of balance have been restored? Other people redecorate their entire freakin' houses every couple of years. And here I am, second guessing the purchase of a relatively inexpensive piece of furniture that has needed replacing since the late 1990s.

Insanity. It's not for the weak of heart.

Update Also bought this comforter set... but not the throw pillows. Yeah, that made me feel guilty, too, and I haven't bought a new duvet/comforter in about 10 years. I am SUCH a spendthrift. Go, me.

P.S. - It is very cozy and warm. SQUEEEE!

Would I kid(ney) you?

2010-05-29T19:56:00.002-02:30

These two items were posted, side by each, on the BBC website t'other day. Srsly.

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T00:01:00.002-02:30

I know this is old, but it makes me laugh. And doesn't it reflect most sibling relationships?

Happy Mother's Day to everyone out there who is a mother, has a mother, had a mother... I think that covers everyone?

Greece is the word

2010-05-07T20:56:00.006-02:30

And in the coinkidink department:

So, Greece is in the news because of their financial woes.

A co-worker is going on a cruise on a real, gurt big cruise ship. Many moons ago, in high school (Jurassic era), I went on an educational cruise to the Mediterranean, which included Greece, of course. It being an education cruise, it wasn't terribly luxurious. We sailed on a troop ship that had been converted into an education cruise ship. I use the term "converted" loosely. So I went a-Gooooogling for a picture of the ship to show her, as a laugh. I found a site created by someone who had worked on the ship and was on her last voyage to Kaohsiung (Taiwan) to be scrapped.

I posted a link to the site on Faceboooook as I have recently gotten in touch with some high school buddies, some of whom were on that cruise.

While on Faceboooook, I noticed a post by a friend who is running in a fundraiser marathon in Athens. So I asked, Athens, Greece or Athens, Ontario? Greece, she replies.

On my way home from work, I stopped at the supermarket where I ran into an old drinking buddy I haven't seen in years and he tells me he and his wife are going on a trip to... wait for it... Greece.

I get home. Go back on Facebook. And there's a comment from a high school buddy who had been on that cruise asking me how I found that site.

Coinkidink? You be the judge... But I'm checking the air fare to Greece, just in case the universe is trying to tell me something...

UPDATE I was just editing the sidebar and noticed the clock is not showing the right time. Went to ClockLink.com, saw a link for "#1 free blog clock" and, curious, clicked on it so see which one is chosen most. And the time zone of the sample clock? Athens, Greece.

UPDATED UPDATE Link to the cruise ship site now repaired. Ooopsies!

The one

2010-05-02T01:09:00.002-02:30

Ladies and Gentlemen, we bring you...

2010-04-26T22:16:00.001-02:30

SQUEEEE!!!!

Step right up! Step right up! And in this ring...

2010-04-25T17:51:00.002-02:30

One in what appears like it will be a continuing series featuring the HIGH-LAR-Y-US correspondence resulting from the Barnum and Bailey world of online dating...

"I am from Saskatchewan* and I would like to meet a Newfoundland woman**, one who I can share my life with. I amrecently (sic) divorced*** and would like to meet that special someone I can share my life with****. If you are interested email me at madeupname@thattheremail.com. I am not into head games or lying*****.

*4,500 km from here (approx.) Somewhat of a daunting commute, n'est çe pas? Has he frightened away all dating prospects in his own province and the six provinces between?

**a "Newfoundland woman?" What the heck does that mean? Are we different somehow? Does he think I would be good at starting fires with just two sticks? Able to skin a rabbit with my bare teeth?

***= emotionally unstable

****I'm unsure of your goal. The sharing of the life. Would that be a priority for you? And just how special would I have to be? Would a lifetime pass on the short bus be required?

***** This statement always reads as, "I am psychotically deceitful and will emotionally torture you relentlessly." Those of us who really are NOT into head games and lying NEVER feel the need to state it outright.

G'day, mate!

2010-04-24T23:13:00.002-02:30

To all my Aussie and Kiwi buddies observing ANZAC day - lest we forget.

Du måste finnas

2010-04-22T21:30:00.002-02:30

Okay, I know I'm a music geek and all, but this... this is, like, WOW! right?

Also, how freaky is it that some Swedish words bear some resemblance, or sound like they have the same root word, to the same word in English?

I feel the earth... move... under my feet...

2010-04-21T00:40:00.007-02:30

Women to blame for earthquakes, says Iran cleric

The mind boggles. It just BOGGLES.

Srsly, dude? Our clothing causes earthquakes? SRSLY??? Oh, believe me, honey... if we had that power the world would be a very different place.

In which my ship comes in...UNexpectedly.

2010-04-06T19:14:00.002-02:30

Attention: Beneficiary,

How are you today? Hope all is well with you and family? You may not understand why this mail came to you.

We have been having meetings for the passed years which ended in 2009 with the ten secretaries to the UNITED NATIONS.

This email is sent to all the people that have been scammed in every part of the world, the UNITED NATIONS agreed upon to compensate them with the sum of US$ 450,000. This includes every foreign contractors that may have not received their contract sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems and impersonators etc.

We found your name in our list and that is why we are contacting you, this has been agreed upon and has been signed.

You are advised to contact Dr. Mrs. Vivian Okafor of Nigeria Security Department, as she is our representative in Nigeria contact her immediately for your Cheque/ of USD$450,000.
These funds are in International Bank Draft Bank Draft for security purpose ok? So she will send it to you and you can clear it in any bank of your choice.

Therefore, you should send her your full Name and telephone number/your correct mailing address where you want her to send the Draft to you.

Contact Dr. Mrs. Vivian Okafor immediately for your Cheque

Email: nsd1954@w.cn
Phone: +234-705-112-8644

Thanks and God bless you and your family. Hoping to hear from you as soon as you cash your Bank Draft.

Making the world a better place.

Regards,
Ban ki- Moon
UN Secretary (UNITED NATIONS)

Exhibit 'A'

2010-03-22T14:30:00.000-02:30

Me:
Thank you!

I'm fine. Had a very busy day, Hit the ground running as soon as I got to work and it didn't slow down until quarter to five. Then had to stick around to complete some tasks so i won't be behind tomorrow.

I hear it was nice and sunny, but didn't actually get to see much of it. :)

How about you? How was your day?
D.

-------------

Him:
I take it, Dawn, you are not interested in chatting tonight? Brian

-------------

Me:
*thinks* WTF???

/exits singing

Five foot two, eyes of blue

2010-03-21T10:00:00.000-02:30

That There Squeakypony had me on a wild goose chase yesterday. He linked to a Mrs. Miller in a comment on my March 18 post. In my dotage, I am no longer master of my brain cells, and I mistakenly thought he was referring to a Mrs. Mills, even after I clicked on the link and suffered the aural assault of Mrs. Miller mangling "These Boots are Made for Walking." I thought, "I don't remember Mrs. Mills singing, just playing the piano." Then darling Gooooogle provided an album cover for Mrs. Mills in the hits for my "Mrs. Miller" search and it all came clear.

I don't specifically remember Mrs. Miller, but I can vaguely remember those kinds of performances on TV when I was kid. Some poor old dear who'd been successful in their day in their own music genre would attempt to "get down wit' da youff" and do horrid things to a current hit. Perry Como singing Beatle hits and such. Although I suspect poor, dear, sweet, presumably deceased Mrs. Miller was never very successful except as a novelty act.

Now we have the reverse phenomenon with rock stars singing oldies. And it's just as horrifying. I’m looking at you, Rod Stewart.

But finding the Mrs. Mills album covers, and this one in particular, reminded me of something. The album the cover for which you see here was in my father's record collection when I was growing up (and may, in fact, be lurking in my basement right now). My father was born in 1912, so the ragtime and honky tonk music of the 20s was the music of his youth. His generation's rap, in fact. And it was just as obnoxious to his parents as most rap is to us and just as hilarious to subsequent generations as rap will be in 20 years' time. Such is the fate of popular music.

I can’t tell you the number of times I have heard this album. I’d even know all the words if they could all be understood. The backup singers were somewhat inarticulate and, incredibly, at some points the altos seem oddly out of step with the sopranos, (surely it's the other way around?) making it even harder to make out what they’re singing. That fact that this wonky timing made it to the final recording tells me it was the style at the time, but it does my classically trained head in, I can tell you.

And, in a bizarre “you can’t make this stuff up” twist, when I was in London at the end of a school trip in 1972, we were taken to a variety performance of the type for which none of us would have willingly purchased tickets. Our teachers claimed it was the only show for which they could get 30 tickets. I’m still suspicious of that claim. It was the Des O’Connor Show, which was on TV at home at the time.

BUT!!! (I like big buts and I cannot lie) it resulted in me actually getting to see, in the flesh, the very Mrs. Mills whose music I had so often heard as a child. It was worth sitting through the rest of it (which wasn’t bad at all, just not to our discerning teenaged tastes) to get to see her so I could go home and tell my dad that I had. I highly suspect I was the only 16-year old in the audience quite so thrilled to be listening to Mrs. Mills. Unfortunately, in 1972, mobile phones hadn’t been invented, so I couldn’t immediately text my dad to tell him and had to wait days until I got home to do so.

So, in memory of me dear old da’ and thanks to Squeakypony, I give you the inimitable Mrs. Mills as I used to hear her at home as a child. Enjoy! Or run screaming, your choice.

Welcome, Bumbungians!

2010-03-20T12:39:00.003-02:30

According to my stats, I was this very morning visited by a resident of the micronation of Bumbunga, of whose existence I have to confess to having been completely unaware until today. The micronation, not the visitor.

There are those on this fair isle who would secede from Canada if they had their druthers.

Micronations, unite!

Oh.

Don't you love arse?*

2010-03-18T19:32:00.003-02:30

I have not completely given up on finding lurve online. Okay, I've given up but my profile is still out there in cyberspace. It doesn't result in a lot of contact. Us middle-aged laydees are not in high demand. However, from time to time, I will receive an e-mail from a possible suitor. Which is a word not to be confused at all with suitable, despite the identical first syllable.

The latest candidate appeared normal and could even string a few sentences together complete with requisite capitalization AND punctuation, which puts him light years ahead of the competition.

The first conversation was typical. Nothing remarkable, either good or bad.

But the second? The second was a real puzzler. I wrote something to the effect of having had a busy day, but the weather had been unseasonably nice and I'd gotten out for a walk. How had his day gone?

He reponded with, "Well, I guess it looks like you don't want to chat tonight."

WTF? I replied that I was puzzled. What had given him that impression? "How has your day gone?" seemed a perfect indication of an interest in chatting to me. He replied that I hadn't answered his questions (he hadn't asked any) but that he had answered mine (he hadn't). I have to mention that we were conversing via a website, so the transmission rates are sometimes slow. By the time we'd tried to iron this out, it was silly o'clock and I suggested that maybe we should give the website a miss and move on to email, but that was for another night as it was very late and I was going to sign off and go to sleep. His response? "Give me a quick call before you go to bed. Here's my number..."

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm not calling anyone at 12:45 a.m. unless it's 911 and my house is on fire. I'm certainly not going to have the first conversation with someone at that hour. I'm not at my best when I'm 3/4 asleep.

Plus, it would be a long distance call and I no longer have a "call anyone you frickin' like for nothing!" kind of long distance plan anymore.

I am especially not calling, at my expense, someone who has been freakishly obtuse for the past few hours. Can you imagine what the conversation would be like?

"Hi. How are you?"

"Well, I guess you don't want to chat."

"Um... why do you say that?"

"You haven't answered my questions."

"Uh... you haven't asked any."

"And I've answered all of yours."

"No, actually you haven't..."

So, yeah. Don't bother sendin' any clowns. They're here. Firmly entrenched. Bless 'em.

*Apparently, a common Mondegreen in the UK for the line from these lyrics that goes, "Don't you love farce?" due to (if Wikipedia is to be believed) a failure of the performer to clearly differentiate the two juxtaposed labiodental fricative sounds so that "love farce" sounds to the UK English speaker like "love arse."

Hmmm... Big ones? About which you cannot tell a falsehood? Look! A shiny thing!

Duck Amuck

2010-03-13T22:26:00.001-03:30

Sweet Baby James

2010-03-10T00:59:00.002-03:30

You can wander over here, cutie. Hubba hubba! But I wish someone would feed him some cheezburgerz and burn those farmer's clothes. All he needs is suspenders/braces and a straw hat.

Rockin' around the clock

2010-03-09T13:42:00.002-03:30

2:15 a.m.

3:45 a.m.

4:20 a.m.

6:15 a.m.

I don't remember volunteering to be night watchman, but appears to be the shift I was assigned last night.

Nora makes her classical debut

2010-03-08T22:22:00.001-03:30

Too funny!

But I'm alright nooooooooooow!

2010-03-08T22:16:00.000-03:30

This too shall pass

2010-03-04T14:09:00.005-03:30

Brought to you by the genius OK Go (and found on Dooce). I don't like the music as much as this song, but the video is cool.

Lot's wife

2010-03-02T00:13:00.001-03:30

ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

What? Salt. Yes, salt. Really? Oh. I would have SWORN it said salt.

Of ear worms

2010-02-27T16:39:00.003-03:30

Ooops! This only makes sense if I include the poster's note, which you don't see unless you click through to YouTube. Seanbury wrote: This is what the song sounds like when I get it stuck in my head -- I don't know all the lyrics.

Ain't it the truth?

For those who need to get that out of their heads, here's the full version.

He drinks tequila

2010-02-25T22:20:00.002-03:30

I would too if I had to listen to this more than once. But I do want what they're smoking.

I think I can hear Squeakypony's head explode from here.

Seen at Non-Working Monkey's blog. She's your go-to simian for the best in Interwebs madness.

For Coopernicus

2010-02-19T01:43:00.006-03:30

Click on the nice map and go to page 2 and voila! All is explained. I live on the turquoise-coloured island on the top right hand side.

A half hour time zone. Yep. One of ~~two~~ several on the planet. Really silly idea, isn't it? It's explained here.

'ark at 'im!

2010-02-17T22:29:00.002-03:30

He's made his theatrical debut. Click the badger to watch.

Warning: If you have a snake phobia, you might want to step away from this post.

Thank God it's not just me...

2010-02-16T22:26:00.001-03:30

Lovely

Quiz of the week

2010-02-15T22:44:00.006-03:30

Can you guess what I'm trying to say here?

This is why I will die alone, smelling of cat wee.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T21:07:00.000-03:30

2010-02-05T22:26:00.002-03:30

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

Quoth the maven

2010-01-24T12:49:00.000-03:30

QUOTE FOR THE DAY: "My divorce was messy because there was a child involved. My husband." (Wendy Liebman)

Does your momma know?

2010-01-22T23:06:00.006-03:30

Okay, I know I'm morphing into an cranky old lady at the speed of light, but what gives with audiences at live performances these days? I attended a play last fall and far too many of the audience members behaved as if they were watching a movie in their living room where the actors couldn't hear them, nor could any of the audience members. Crackling candy wrappers, beeping watches, too loud conversations, up and down out of their seats like jacks-in-the-box... LETTING A CELL PHONE RING MANY TIMES AND THEN ANSWERING IT AND HAVING A CONVERSATION. I kid you not.

Tonight, in the same theatre for a symphony performance, it was similar. Two pieces into the show, the "ladies" next to me were still carrying on a spirited conversation. Yes, I'm talking about you, seats K39 and 40. If you have a burning need to talk that much, why not save yourself $35 bucks each and stay home? Turn on the radio! Play a CD! And shout to your heart's content without annoying anyone. Admittedly, the orchestra probably couldn't hear them as it was playing James Bond themes, but the audience members around them certainly could and I'm almost positive none of us would pay $35 to hear these two chat.*

Next to them, a woman with a baby who looked to be about 3 or 4 months old. Lady. Would not the fact that yours is the only baby in the building clue you in to the idea that perhaps... just perhaps, this is not the venue for a small baby? To be fair, he behaved himself very admirably (he was quieter than the two women between us, that's for sure) and only let out a tiny little cry on one occasion, but seriously. Get a babysitter. Or stay home. This isn't the Wiggles.

There were at least 8 people (4 couples) that I saw who arrived over 20 minutes late. And all of them had seats in the centre of the aisle. One of them I KNOW knows better because she's a performer herself.

After the intermission, a couple just behind me decided this was a fine time for a chat. I don't know. Maybe it's me. But I rarely have anything to say that can't wait until the break between songs, or the intermission or the end... if it were something like, "I'm having a heart attack!" or "I'm going into labour!" or "Fire!" I could understand, but seriously, what ON EARTH is so important that it has to be discussed right there, right then?**

Then there were the Einsteins who stopped at the top of the stairs as we were exiting to the foyer. There were at least half of the 1,000 audience members streaming out behind them. Did they WANT to risk getting pushed down the stairs? It's hard to stop 500 people when they've built up a head of steam. Then they decided that they had walk across to the other side of the top of the staircase and I heard the guy say, "ExCUSE ME!" in a tone that implied how DARE these people be in my way? Good job you're not a salmon, buddy. You don't even know there IS a stream, never mind how to fit in with it.

But then there were the charming moments. The singers (pop and big band music, not classical) had the audience joining in and waving our arms in the air (like ya just don't CARE!) and after everyone else had dropped out there was one older lady ahead of me who was ROCKIN' the arm movements. All by herself. It was so adorable.

And there was an older guy just ahead of me who looked to be about 70 or so who was rocking out in his seat so violently during one song he was moving the three or four seats on either side of him. No kidding, that whole section of the row was shakin' in time to the music. He was clearly really enjoying himself and the people around him didn't seem to mind. Of course, they were Canadian, so they'd just silently seethe anyway***, but I didn't notice any sidelong glances, which our version of, "OI! SHUT YER GOB!!"

I had to do the math, though. This was music that was very popular just after my high school years. If he's as old as he looks, he would have been in his 40s then. I could see someone my age gettin' all jiggy wit' it over this stuff because it invokes your independent but still single years when you lived to go to the clubs and you had your whole life ahead of you and ANYTHING was possible. But this guy probably had a mortgage and a couple of kids in junior high when this stuff was on the radio. Who rocks out to the music of their 40s? Go figure.

Then as we were leaving the parking lot, there was a car parked in the roadway between the two halves of the parking lot. Meaning it was narrowed to one lane. 1,000 people leaving a theatre and they have to filter through one lane to get out of the damned parking lot. I harboured tire slashing fantasies for a moment, I'll confess. If I could have arranged to have the car towed, I would have.

And I swear to God one of the trumpet players was chewing gum on stage.

But, all in all I really enjoyed the concert. And I kept thinking, "Blog fodder!" so there's that.

And now you'll have to excuse me. I gotta go tell some kids to get off my goddamned lawn.

*To their credit, they clammed up after I gave them a quick shot of the patented, Just-Wait-Until-I-Get-You-Home stare, perfected by mothers the world over.

**They, too, caved after the JWUIGYH micro-stare. It's a miracle I got out of the theatre alive.

***People think Canadians are so polite, but we're just as rude as the rest of the world. We just do it telepathically.

Blast from my past

2010-01-16T22:12:00.003-03:30

This is what I used to love to watch when I was a kid. I thought W*rn*rs Br*s. had had these all taken of YouTube. But... OOoonononononononononono!!!

If we have to ask to have a door opened, my childhood friends and I still say, "Notice I didn't say 'Richard'?"

And after I joined the pipe band, you can imagine the mileage we got out of this one:

Four candles, two Ronnies and a tin of beans

2010-01-15T17:00:00.000-03:30

Snoot!

2010-01-14T19:40:00.004-03:30

When you have a cold, sometimes you'll do the weirdest things to try to feel better.

Remember that weird sound Felix Unger used to make in the movie "The Odd Couple?" (at 00:39) Well, that's what using a Neti pot makes me want to do.

Freaky FREAKY weird feeling. The jury is still out on whether there is any improvement.

UPDATE: It works! It actually works. I tried it once yesterday evening and only had to blow my nose twice between 7:00 p.m. and midnight. As opposed to the every 15 minute schedule my snout was on all day. Tried it again at lunchtime today and same result. Every 15 - 20 minutes with the "HONK!" all morning and since lunch? ONCE.

My top tips: 1) Make sure the water is body temp. Any cooler and you can FEEL EVERY DROP PASS THROUGH YOUR SINUSES. Not fun. 2) as soon as you break the seal in the "in" nostril, exhale through your nose gently, so none of the solution goes down the back of your throat. 3) Do not attempt this on a first date.

w00t!

2010-01-09T16:31:00.002-03:30

316.6! Ha! Beat that, Interwebs!

Yeti Penguin Ball

Bruce

2010-01-07T11:17:00.001-03:30

Code

2010-01-05T18:30:00.002-03:30

I hab a code. I want by bom.

Because Aunt Becky said so

2010-01-04T22:40:00.004-03:30

Because Aunt Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka has tagged me, along with the entire Interwebs, I give you, The New Year's Meme:

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Worked with professional directors/actors/writers. And politicians turned actors. It was a blast!

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't remember making any. Not because I don't think I could use some improvements, but because I am hopeless.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No, but lots of friends' children had babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Unusually, no. Although there are people I will miss.

5. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

A renovated bathroom.

6. What countries did you visit?

Just another province of my own country.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:

April 3 (performed Brahm's Eine Deutsche Requiem for the first, but I hope not the last, time) and August 15 (began vacation with dear friends and left this island for the first time in... oh... YEARS).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I didn't slap someone silly. You have no idea what self control that required.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I didn't keep my weight in check.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

A few. Most of which never happened. There was much testing. Nothing dire diagnosed.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Um... a really nice hair dryer?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

D2, whose behaviour has shown a marked improvement in responsibility and maturity level.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

D2. On the single most stellarly dreadful occasion that it... didn't.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Roof over head, food in belly.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Nothing comes to mind. Now, that's just SAD.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Wie Lieblich Sind Deine Wohnugen from Brahm's Ein Deutsches Requiem.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Pretty much the same, I think. Perhaps a bit sadder. I'll live.

ii. thinner or fatter? Oh, fatter.

iii. richer or poorer? Very slightly richer. Like, I'm up $5 or so.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercise.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Procrastinating. Eating. Sitting at the computer. Ooops...

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I got to spend Christmas with both my daughters, including the one who lives about 3,000 kms away. So that was nice.

21. There was no #21. I don’t know why there was no 21.

So Aunty Becky made up her own question here.

Name one random thing that people would be surprised to know about you.

I was part of a drum section (pipe band) that came first place in Grade 3 (a competition level, not a year in elementary school) at the Cowal Highland Gathering in Scotland in 1974. It was the first time a North American band had won and they were seriously not considering letting us bring the trophy back to Canada with us. For which you can hardly blame them. They relented and we returned it in plenty of time for it to be awarded at the next year's games.

In fact, every time I played in a competition, the drum section came first. Which had less to do with me being there and more to do with freakish coincidence. It was only noticeable because I started later than the other drummers (about age 14 instead of 9 or 10) and we won the first time I played in competition and every time after that. It didn't half cause hard feelings with some of the other drummers and their parents, though. Eejits.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Nope.

23. How many one-night stands?

As if.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Mad, mad, mad about Mad Men!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hate? No. Distrust. Yes.

26. What was the best book you read?

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer, Annie Barrows; The Tenth Gift by Jane Johnson. Oh, I don't know.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Brahm's Ein Deutsches Requiem and Lyle Lovett's CD Road to Ensenada. Eclectic genius, Renaissance woman or just no-taste hack? You be the judge.

28. What did you want and get?

A raise.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Um... if I'd known I was going to be asked this question I'd have paid more attention? Will that do for an answer?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I met D1 at the airport, seeing her for the first time in about a year and a half. I am the same age as Jack Benny. The fact that I know who Jack Benny is is a dead give-away that I could not possibly be as young as he perpetually claimed he was.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More cowbell. Ya gotta have more cowbell.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Anything that fit.

34. What kept you sane?

The denizens of the Interwebs. Thank you, my peeps.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I don't really pay much attention to celebrities. Althought that Colin Firth guy is pretty hot. PHWOAR.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Politics and I do not engage in the stirring.

37. Whom did you miss?

D1 and, as always, my parents. And my friends that I vacationed with.

(I wanted to say 'My ex. But my aim is improving.')

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Aunty Becky. Natch.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:

Never make a priority those for whom you are only an option.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Mama told me there'd be days like this,
There'd be days like this my Mama said...

So the rest of the meme calls for tagging, which meh... so rather than tag you, I’m going to tag YOU to answer this meme on your blog OR in the comments. Or as performance art in the High Street. Your choice.

A new start for a new year

2010-01-01T22:39:00.001-03:30

I shall especially enjoy wearing the hat.

Take the Quiz here!

Happy New Year!

2009-12-31T13:28:00.002-03:30

See you on the other side. Half an hour earlier in Newfoundland and some parts of Labrador, of course.

Can you see me now?

2009-12-29T19:15:00.002-03:30

In the Occupationally Suitable Name Department, note the name of the third consultant on this page.

Peel me a grape

2009-12-22T22:27:00.002-03:30

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?

Take the Test to Find Out.

Welcome to winter

2009-12-19T19:56:00.003-03:30

From the Globe & Mail website.

You know you're getting old when...

2009-12-17T20:32:00.005-03:30

Your friendly, neighbourhood pharmacy sends you a complimentary sample product, addressed specifically to you, not just some random "put a sample in everyone's mail box" and it's these:

Which, if you can't read the print from this photo, is this:

Yes, people. I'm now the proud owner of a sample pack of Poise. So that's nice.

What's next, Depends?

It was inevitable

2009-12-15T05:56:00.000-03:30

I give you... Santa badgers...

There will be a brief intermission...

2009-12-08T18:24:00.004-03:30

Whilst I immerse myself in a week of Messiah rehearsals/performances. Do not be alarmed. Just chat amongst yourselves. In lieu of light refreshments, I give you this.

(Skip ahead to 1:30 if you prefer. You won't miss a thing.)

There's no business like snow business

2009-12-06T16:15:00.001-03:30

http://www.stjohns.ca/access/trafficcams/gower.jsp

Click on "24 hours" on the bottom border of the webcam image to watch the storm move in.

Riveting, I KNOW. You can thank me later.

Men

2009-12-06T00:54:00.001-03:30

Men. Even the cute ones, you can't trust to show up when you need them.

Am I doomed to spent the rest of my life alone?