Wednesday, April 16, 2008

One if by land, two if by coaster

Holly of June Cleaver Nirvana has given me an idea. No. Not that one. No. Stop! What a bunch of frickin' pervs! Besides, I already thought of that myself. This is serious.
In two weeks time, I shall be picking up the ridiculously expensive, yet totally unstylish and unseen by anyone except the soles of my feet, orthotic insoles that will ride in like Prince Charming on a white charger and rescue me from my current reign as High Priestess of the Funny Walk (TM).
BUT! As Holly pointed out, what if they don't work? Could happen. She suggested I'll be left with very expensive coasters. Which I really don't need as I just purchased two sets of hugely expensive, classy coasters at The Dollar Store just last week. A store which only sells the finest goods, as indicated by its high class name. But Holly's comment got me to thinking. If the insoles turn out to be useless and not the magical cure they have been touted, for what do I use them?
This has led me to a plan. An evil plan. Okay, not evil. But a plan, nevertheless and that is to charge you, my fine readers (all 3 of you) with a task.

A noble task. A quest, if you will. You must advise me and advise me wisely, oh readers mine. I mean, those suckers cost $350 CDN. Which is US$349.632. Or £177.31. Or 1,104.75 in Malaysian Ringgits. And boy, am I glad I don't live in Malaysia, because my math's not so good and with those big numbers...

But I digress. I'm not sure about the fauna in your neck of the woods, but here at Wrath World Headquarters, money doth not grow on trees, no it dothn't. So, if it turns out I've spent the money that could have bought me a shiny, brand-spanking new 160 GB Classic iPod *drool!* (That's storage space for 40,000 songs, people! FOR TEE THOW ZAND! Wait a minute... are there 40,000 songs in the world? Oh, look! A bird!)

Where was I? Oh, right. If they don't fix my feet, to what worthy purpose shall I turn my new insoles? Discuss amongst yourselves.


Blogger Scaryduck said...

Novelty rabbit ears.

I say: Novelty rabbit ears.

April 17, 2008 at 11:01 a.m.  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

Maybe you could call Mr Terry Jones to be in one of the Python sketch...oups... tooo laaate! :)

April 17, 2008 at 12:41 p.m.  
Blogger HRH said...

hahaha. Since you have coasters, then I suggest the following:
1. Barbie beds
2. ramps for hotwheels
3. door stopper (if your arches are high enough)
4. clapping the together might make an interesting sound for the orthotic band you can form
5. save the receipt...if you can't return them since they are custom you could donate them to charity for the tax deduction? would that be wrong?

April 17, 2008 at 4:48 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Take them to the person that sold them to you and re-enact the Fish Slapping Dance...
Strap them to your hands and walk via handstands...
stick them in the freezer then place them on the chair of an unsuspecting co-worker...

April 20, 2008 at 6:58 p.m.  
Anonymous wonderferret said...

Novely cheese trays for fancy parties where there is cheese onna stick with pineapple.

Ear splints for teh beagles.

Snow shovels for small snow drifts

April 21, 2008 at 8:44 a.m.  
Blogger Mr Farty said...

Surfboards for mice.

April 21, 2008 at 6:23 p.m.  
Anonymous kat said...

I dunno, just browse around Etsy for a while, you're sure to find someone who has done something creative with old orthotics... Art nouveau sculpture, perhaps?

April 21, 2008 at 11:33 p.m.  
Anonymous bc said...

Okay, blog and comments rank as funniest thing I've seen all week. Granted, I've had a martini and I don't get out much, but still...

May 2, 2008 at 10:09 p.m.  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Yes. Alcohol helps in the perception that this blog is funny. I know it helps me.

I also want to thank all the suggestions for the use of the orthotics (which appear to be working as promises - quel surprise!) and also thank everyone for not pouncing on my grieveous error in this post (hint: trees are not fauna...)

May 2, 2008 at 10:31 p.m.  

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