Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Welcome to Myopia

We now return you to the usual vapid, self-centred style of posts you've come to know and love. Or read as a form of self-flagellation. Whatever.

It is time for new glasses. Oh dear, sweet Mother o' Jaysus help me. For I am TEH BLINED and CANNOT SEE. Although! I have been informed that my distance vision is improving. Yes! I am now only common-law blind (as opposed to legally). It happens that as you age, you become more far-sighted. This, if you are blessed with 20/20 vision naturally, is a BAD thing, but if you are TEH QWEEN of MYOPIA such as I, it is good. Of course, my distance prescription is still so strong that I cannot read through it and need a reading lens, but what the heck. I'll take what I can get.

Complicating the glasses thing is the currently au courant extremely narrow frames, which I HEART with the FIERCEST OF HEARTINGS and ROCK CASBAH-like, but cannot, Dear Readers, actually see well with them, as the schmunching (it's optician-speak, trust me. I 've spent more time in optical joints than most people do sleeping)... Where was I? Oh, yes. SCHMUNCHING. The schmunching of my two prescriptions in a PROGRESSIVE lens (as opposed to a backwards lens which allows you to see into the past but is not so good for driving) into these narrow frames results in a true Coke-bottle bottom effect, i.e. you cannot see through it. Or I can't see through it. If you looked through it, you not only couldn't see through it, you would rip the glassses from your face, grab your eyes and scream, "MY EYES!" just like anyone who's looked through my glasses for the last 15 years or so. Not that I've been struggling through life with the Coke-bottle thing going on for the last two years (damn you! P*****Vision!), oh no not me. *peers at the screen*

So. Pray for me. And lead me not into Harry Potter but deliver me from Elvis (Costello).


Blogger Aunt Becky said...

You can DOOOO it!

September 16, 2009 at 1:22 a.m.  
Blogger Pseudonymph said...

I hear you. I pray for you, like the sister in short sightedness I am. I've been a specky 4-eyed git since the age of 10, and before that I just thought everyone saw stuff like that. Glasses buying is right up there with bikini buying. Soothe yourself with the knowledge that 70% of people believe glasses make people look more intelligent. So despite my innate (and outtate) blondeness, when I change my contacts for glasses and go to work, I am treated like teh EINSTEIN!

September 16, 2009 at 1:53 a.m.  
Anonymous Aunty Brenda said...

She actually means teh FRANKENSTEIN. But don't tell her.

September 16, 2009 at 1:54 a.m.  
Blogger TRT said...

Yay for cut off bottoms of coke bottles.

September 16, 2009 at 5:51 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was also forced into glasses aged 10 and hate them.
However I can't bear narrow frames - I got the widest I could get (well, possibly not the widest but I do have some taste) and I still hate the way I can 'see' all around the outsides. I say 'see' because I'm also teh blined and everything around the outside is horribly blurred.
My eyes are apparently improving though. I'm now only -7 in one eye, up from -7.5. Big deal. If I live to 100 I might just be able to throw the glasses away altogether :-)

September 16, 2009 at 5:56 a.m.  
Blogger Erin said...

I'm blind, too. I wear contacts, which I'm happy with as I can see much better with them, and usually switch back to glasses when I get home from work to give the peepers a rest.

I'm in coke bottle territory too, but I often get those lenses that can be made slimmer so as to fit better in frames. I'm guessing this is not an option for you with the schmunching.

Good luck!

September 16, 2009 at 8:34 a.m.  
Blogger #Debi said...

I was blessed with about 20/10 vision up until the age of 35, when I noticed my hand moving away from my body when I tried to read things. I don't like the progressive lenses myself--they make me dizzy, and I need a larger closeup area for teh art stuff. So I go with 35mm lined bifocals, which can go nicely in the smaller frames if you get the right ones, and an anti-reflective coating to counteract the feeling of having someone standing in my face all the time (from the reflections of my eyeballs in non-coated lenses). I need to get new ones, too; got an exam about 2 months ago, but have been working all the hours the eye place is open, so couldn't pick out new frames...

September 16, 2009 at 8:53 a.m.  
Blogger Ricardipus said...

Have you been in at the Screech again, m'dear?

My eyes actually improved a little after three years or so of peering down a microscope. I can't really recommend this as therapy, though.


September 16, 2009 at 1:43 p.m.  
Blogger Pseudonymph said...

So is there a scientific connection between wearing glasses and having an excellent blog, then?

September 16, 2009 at 10:21 p.m.  
Blogger WrathofDawn said...

Yes, yes there is.


Erin, I have the reduction lenses, combined with progressive bifocals. There is a little loss of peripheral vision, depending on the size of the frames and how they grind the lenses. I thank God for them, as the last pair of glasses I had before they invented reduction lenses had those white rings and my eyes looked like hamster eyes.

They don't make me dizzy, but I've had people put on my glasses, turn their head, gasp, squeeze their eyes shut, turn green and rip my glasses off their head, saying, "How do you WEAR these?" Meh. But then, my bifocals are monovision (distance lens in one eye, reading lens in the other) and that doesn't bother me either, so there ya go.

Good Twin - -7 is not too bad. I'm down to a -4.25 now, which is quite an improvement for me. I have a friend who wears, not a word of a lie, -EIGHTEEN.

So on Saturday, I shall pop in the contacts so I can see what I'm getting and go try to pick out glasses at the optical place where I know they know what they are doing and won't sell me frames that are too narrow for this prescription.

Also. No Screech. I'm onto the Bacardi Gold. Mmmm mmmm good!

September 17, 2009 at 12:12 a.m.  
Blogger Erin said...

Mmmm, Bacardi Gold...No contacts necessary, just glasses...

September 17, 2009 at 8:30 a.m.  
Blogger Richard said...

Can you write that again in BIG?

September 17, 2009 at 8:45 a.m.  
Blogger WrathofDawn said...


Just one glass, really...

September 17, 2009 at 8:14 p.m.  
Blogger TRT said...

"Yes, you can have your prescription as contacts. No, you won't be able to close your eyelids if you do."

September 18, 2009 at 6:44 a.m.  
Blogger Cooper said...

Progressive lenses blow like a cat7 hurricane....

September 18, 2009 at 4:42 p.m.  
Blogger WrathofDawn said...

Cooper, is that a bad thing or a good thing? You kids today...

September 18, 2009 at 9:16 p.m.  
Blogger Aled Hughes said...

I know to my personal cost that as one ages, near/short sightedness improves. I have bifocals too. Unfortunately, I also now have cataracts which are increasingly becoming a pain. They will be removed when they are ripe. Harrumph. Limits my night-time driving!
Progressives - I'd advise against them. Most people can cope - but I tried for 18 months, as the resultant bruises to my face will attest. And forget laser treatment, only lasts about 10 years, then 'corrective lenses' (glasses to the proletariat) become de rigeur.

September 19, 2009 at 1:38 a.m.  
Blogger WrathofDawn said...

Argh! I don't have cataracts (yet) myself, but friends do and they are a huge pain.

Progressives work perfectly for me, when they're in a frame of the right proportion.

How did you get bruises on your face?

And NO ONE is pointing a laser at my eyes. EVER. *shiver*

September 19, 2009 at 3:46 p.m.  
Blogger WrathofDawn said...

Now that I think of it, I may not even be a candidate for laser surgery. For years, my eye doctor has been telling me that my intraocular pressue is on the high side and that glaucoma was probably in my future (family history, too) BUT recent research has shown that the thickness of your cornea has to be measured and balanced against the pressure to get a true reading. It turns out I have "thick" corneas and this knocks the pressure score down 4 points putting me squarely in the "healthy" range and probably at no risk for glaucoma at all. So, yay!

But I think thick corneas is one of the conditions that make you ineligible for laser surgery. Not that I'd want it anyway. *shudder* and *SHUDDER*

September 19, 2009 at 3:52 p.m.  
Blogger Aled Hughes said...

Apologies for late response, I got the bruises from constantly falling over due to not being able to see the floor/ground in front of me due to progressives. I even tried alcohol to relieve the symptoms. Most people can cope with them, moi? Nah. Ditto garlic.
Must be a link there somewhere...

September 21, 2009 at 2:20 p.m.  

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