Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?
Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.

So. Some years I put out outside Christmas lights. Some I don't. Depends on whether I get the necessary combination of weather and time to do it.

This year, I thought I'd be environmentally responsible and buy LED lights. Found lovely red, green and white ones. So far, so good.

I only put lights on the front stair railings because I don't do ladders at the best of times and I sure don't do them when there's snow on the ground.

I have a whole routine worked out for rigging up the lights involving taping up the open ends of the string with plastic so no water gets in and wrapping the connection between the lights and the extension cords. It takes about half an hour of prep work before I even step outside. I like to minimize my time spent in -10 C environments. Plus the electrical tape works better at room temperature.

It takes 3 strings of lights and two extention cords to decorate the stairs. I had the first two sets out of the packaging and all safely taped up to the extention cords. Things were going fine until I took the third new set of lights out of the package. As I straightened them out I heard, "SNAP!" and then I was being stared in the face by bare copper wire where the wire had pulled out of the base of a light socket. (Which I didn't take a picture of, which is very unusual for me, you have to admit.) The lights have been returned to the store for a full refund, no arguments; just nice, friendly, efficient refund. But I have one question.

Why couldn't I have opened the faulty package of lights first?

*sigh*