Thursday, March 18, 2010

Don't you love arse?*

I have not completely given up on finding lurve online. Okay, I've given up but my profile is still out there in cyberspace. It doesn't result in a lot of contact. Us middle-aged laydees are not in high demand. However, from time to time, I will receive an e-mail from a possible suitor. Which is a word not to be confused at all with suitable, despite the identical first syllable.

The latest candidate appeared normal and could even string a few sentences together complete with requisite capitalization AND punctuation, which puts him light years ahead of the competition.

The first conversation was typical. Nothing remarkable, either good or bad.
But the second? The second was a real puzzler. I wrote something to the effect of having had a busy day, but the weather had been unseasonably nice and I'd gotten out for a walk. How had his day gone?

He reponded with, "Well, I guess it looks like you don't want to chat tonight."

WTF? I replied that I was puzzled. What had given him that impression? "How has your day gone?" seemed a perfect indication of an interest in chatting to me. He replied that I hadn't answered his questions (he hadn't asked any) but that he had answered mine (he hadn't). I have to mention that we were conversing via a website, so the transmission rates are sometimes slow. By the time we'd tried to iron this out, it was silly o'clock and I suggested that maybe we should give the website a miss and move on to email, but that was for another night as it was very late and I was going to sign off and go to sleep. His response? "Give me a quick call before you go to bed. Here's my number..."

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm not calling anyone at 12:45 a.m. unless it's 911 and my house is on fire. I'm certainly not going to have the first conversation with someone at that hour. I'm not at my best when I'm 3/4 asleep.

Plus, it would be a long distance call and I no longer have a "call anyone you frickin' like for nothing!" kind of long distance plan anymore.

I am especially not calling, at my expense, someone who has been freakishly obtuse for the past few hours. Can you imagine what the conversation would be like?

"Hi. How are you?"

"Well, I guess you don't want to chat."

"Um... why do you say that?"

"You haven't answered my questions."

"Uh... you haven't asked any."

"And I've answered all of yours."

"No, actually you haven't..."

So, yeah. Don't bother sendin' any clowns. They're here. Firmly entrenched. Bless 'em.

*Apparently, a common Mondegreen in the UK for the line from these lyrics that goes, "Don't you love farce?" due to (if Wikipedia is to be believed) a failure of the performer to clearly differentiate the two juxtaposed labiodental fricative sounds so that "love farce" sounds to the UK English speaker like "love arse."

Hmmm... Big ones? About which you cannot tell a falsehood? Look! A shiny thing!


Blogger owntwohands said...

That sounds just like face-to-face dating to me, just condensed. In all of history has there ever truly been a point where men and women were really on the same page? Heck, hubby and I have had conversations like that. Example:

Q: "Aren't we going out tonight?"
A: "It's Tuesday."

And then we both stand there staring at each other in confusion.

At least you can blame part of your confusing conversation on the medium and the lack of facial expression/body language. And the fact that you don't know the person. Hubby and I, we have no excuse.

March 18, 2010 at 11:56 p.m.  
Blogger TRT said...

It must be the time of year.

Hang in there. X

March 19, 2010 at 6:46 a.m.  
Blogger Pseudonymph said...

I hear there are men in London Town. Wanna meet there and see if it's true?

March 19, 2010 at 6:48 a.m.  
Blogger Erin said...

What Pseudonymph said. =)

We need to compare notes. I've always thought that the best ways/places to meet decent people was through friends or at work (you have to work at a suitably large place though). Although my religion teacher in high school actually met her husband at a bar. True story. True, weird story.

I have tried one on-line site, and wasn't overly impressed!

March 19, 2010 at 8:23 a.m.  
Blogger Squeakypony said...

Dawn - Is that a trick question?

p.s. Dame Judi can't sing, but the band is pretty good.

March 19, 2010 at 1:24 p.m.  
Blogger WrathofDawn said...

@ OTH - Ah, but this guy wasn't giving puzzling male brain-generated answers, he was just being plain inattentive. This early on, anyone who is truly interested is hyper-attentive.

The difference with online dating from real dating is that on a real date you can't claim your phone is ringing or someone just rang your doorbell and walk away in the middle of the date if you start to get bored.

@ TRT - Thanks, dude!

@Pseusie - Yes, but a) no monies and b) I've heard of long distance relationships, but that would be ridonkerous!

@ Erin - You're spot on. That is the best way, if only for the references.

@ Squeaky - No, it's a failure to type the justaposed labiodental fricative sounds clearly. :)

P.S. - This song was not meant to be sung pretty it was meant to be acted. We've just gotten used to hearing the pop versions of it. It's meant to sound harsh and rough and full of emotional pain. You should hear the actress for whom it was written "sing" it. Or, for that matter, Elizabeth Taylor in the film version.

March 20, 2010 at 3:43 a.m.  
Blogger Squeakypony said...

Ah - so it's all to do with articulation and pulmonic egressive airstream mechanism (and not leering at bottoms)

p.s. You wan't harsh and rough - I'm sure Mrs Miller would be the best ( if she was still with us ) and there would be more than enough emotional pain for everybody.

March 20, 2010 at 5:14 a.m.  
Blogger WrathofDawn said...

Exactly! Although leering at bottoms is a worthwhile endeavour. *ahem*

P.S. - If Mrs. Miller had sung it, we'd all need hospitalization.

March 20, 2010 at 12:32 p.m.  
Blogger cala said...

this sounds sadly too familiar =(

March 20, 2010 at 2:23 p.m.  

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