Monday, March 27, 2006

Hai...KU!!! ('scuse me!)

And now, the announcements you've all been waiting for! It's time for the first annual Wrath of Dawn Haiku Awards.

That world famous, prestigious, highly sought-after... um...

...nationally known, pretty impressive, lots of entries... um...

...WTF are you talking about?, totally arse, more prizes than entries...

And without further ado (because enough is freakin' enough), we give you this year's prize winners:

The e.e. cummings cup for Most Poetic
Still there, the snow
Not yet, the Spring.
Only hope!

Toujours la neige!
Le printemps n'est encore
Qu'un Espoir....

The Berlitz Bouquet for Most Linguistically Cunning
Cotton wool snow
Thick and DeepShit!
Where's me caaaar?

Neige de coton
Epaisse et ProfondeMerde!
Ou est ma voituuuure?

Nieve de algodón
Denso y profundo¡Mierda!
Dónde está mi cooooche?

The Monet Memorial for Most Realistic
Snow cloak receding
Nature paints a new landscape:
Six months of dog shit.

The Bob Vila Golden Hammer for Most Constructive
Ricardipus (the blogless) non-poetic
Spring has come, time to
fix the garden. Ah, screw it:
call the landscapers.

Mack & Myer Memorial for Most Moving
Spring brings sunshine
that illuminates house in state of chaos.
F*ck it, move house.

The Mank and Woe Scholarship for Most Artistically Rendered Mank and Woe
Buggering bollocks
I can’t write sodding haiku
Total bunch of arse.

The Speedo Cup for Best Swimsuit Season Reminder
Aunty Marianne
Shivering arse off;
But not a gram leaves its mass.
Bikini days loom.

and we have a tie for

The Little F'ing Ray of Sunshine, Aren't We? Certificate of Honourable Mention for Most Gloating
Mr. Fabulous
No real spring down here
Always warm, no coats needed
F*ck that winter crap


Ha ha ha ha ha
You've got loads of snow?
Suckers! I'm in Florida.

And in a category all his own...

The Haikuitis Interruptus Award goes to:

There once was a man from Nantucket...

Oh..wait..that's not a haiku.


Blogger nanuk said...

If you ever want to publish them as a collection, I can provide a set of dog poo and snow still life photos, including a very arty one of frozen dog turds on snow pedestals created by extremely high winds.

Congrats on your 5,000th. Can I borrow, say, 1,500, to keep my morale up?

March 28, 2006 at 3:05 a.m.  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

This is so unexpected...I have so many people to thank...

March 28, 2006 at 4:07 a.m.  
Anonymous TC said...

People always told me I was a cunninglinguist!

March 28, 2006 at 5:28 a.m.  
Blogger Misty said...

I'd like to thank my dog, my friends, my pharmascist, and oh - just everybody!

*bursts into tears a la Gwyneth Paltrow*

March 28, 2006 at 5:55 a.m.  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

nanuk - That would be the cover photo, I believe - and the title, "Sh*t on a Pedastal." It'd sell.

Mr. Faboo - And I have to thank you!

TC - Oh! *grins*

Misty - Here's a tissue, love...

March 28, 2006 at 8:22 a.m.  
Anonymous Ricardipus, awarded said...

...and we thank you.

Bob Vila - is it just me, or does *everyone* want to smack that guy?

nanuk - are you Scaryduck by any chance?

I won, an award
of dubious provenance
but I'll take it, thanks!

March 28, 2006 at 3:57 p.m.  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

It's not just you...

And you're welcome.


March 28, 2006 at 4:01 p.m.  
Blogger jkirlin said...

You like me! You REALLY like me!

March 28, 2006 at 5:48 p.m.  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Yes, my pet, I do.

March 29, 2006 at 1:32 a.m.  
Blogger Anna said...

You crack me up, Dawn! :)

March 29, 2006 at 1:35 p.m.  
Blogger Aunty Marianne said...

*overcome, takes Speedo Cup gratefully, cries all over red halterneck frock, tries to articulate thanks but can't, and finally has to be led away by kind-handed tuxedoed ushers to embarrassed but thunderous applause*

March 31, 2006 at 2:51 a.m.  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

*snif snif* *snif snif* That's joy? Nope just a cold.... Me poetic???? *snif snif* A cold? NOOOOOOO.... JOOOOOYYYYYYY! Thanks Dawn! Where's the cash?

March 31, 2006 at 9:38 a.m.  
Anonymous Ricardipus, narfing said...

"Speedo cup". Narf narf narf.

March 31, 2006 at 11:00 a.m.  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Yes, it's all well and good for you to nark, but frickin' Blogger wouldn't let me comment on my own frickin' blog.

rickin', frickin', frackin', where's the booze?

March 31, 2006 at 6:01 p.m.  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Or narf, even...

March 31, 2006 at 6:01 p.m.  

Post a Comment

<< Home