Wednesday, July 02, 2008

But first... On ceiling fans and survival of the fittest

Forward Dawson is the best person ever. Read this now - she will save you from getting killed TO DEATH. ~ A. Duck (Scary)
In which I describe how I saved my entire family from decapitation just now, and how I prophylactically saved my children from Ann Boleyn syndrome.
As you all know, I live in the almost frozen north, where real summer temperatures hardly ever happen. Installing an air conditioning unit for the 3 1/2 days when we have sufficiently high temps to need the thing just isn't worth the trouble or expense. So we mostly employ fans, ceiling fans/light fixture combos being quite excellent as they not only cool the house in summer, but can be set to run in reverse in the winter to push the warmer air near the ceiling down and help the house feel warmer.

Several years ago, I found two such beauties on sale and promptly had them installed in the kitchen and my bedroom. I didn't put any in the girls' rooms because they had bunkbeds at the time and with their penchant for switching rooms, there was no way to predict where the bunkbeds would actually be located at any point in the future. Bunkbeds + ceiling fan = HORRIBLE, BLOODY, HEADLESS DED TO DETH OFFSPRING. And I am loathe to see either of my children walking about with her head tucked underneath her arm, Ann Boleyn-like .

I hired an electrician to do the job. While my talents run to installing a regular light fixture, I draw the line at installing ceiling-based guillotines for the possible future decapitation of my children. Should something go wrong I want someone to sue other than myself.

Even with them firmly attached to the ceiling 8 feet away, I have a love/fear relationship with these fans. While I love the cooling/warming effect, I live in mortal terror of one of the blades flying off and slicing one of our heads into deli meat. The blades are all attached to the arms by 3 screws and then the arms to the motor with two more screws. That's five opportunities for mechanical woe to set in, times the five blades on the fan. And those odds are a bit high for my taste.

Lately, the fan in the kitchen has been making a rather distressing clicking noise. Sometimes the shades on the lights rattle a bit, but this was different. So, after turning off the wall switch and turning the fan off on the fixture so as to eliminate all chances of giving myself a handectomy, I bravely climbed up onto that time-honoured handyman's aid - a kitchen chair - screwdriver in hand, and checked each of the screws that attach the fan blades to the fixture.


Check your ceiling fans people. You can thank me later.


Blogger Scaryduck said...

Dawson has a screw loose.

July 3, 2008 at 5:09 a.m.  
Anonymous Steve Dix said...

I suggest you get hold of anerobic adhesive and coat the threads of the screws with it, then screw them back in. This is the stuff that goes off when you screw it in due to the lack of air.

It's used to attach your brake pistons to the car, and is pretty effective stuff.

July 3, 2008 at 5:26 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LokTite is indeed a good idea.

I once was asked to install a ceiling fan at my Aunt's house (formerly built and owned by the 70s singing family sensation, The Dooleys), so I promptly switched the circuits off one by one until the light fitting went out, then I switched the ones that weren't the right ones back on, leaving just the kitchen isolated. Or so I thought.

A tingling on the back of my hand when I had removed the old fixture alerted me to something not quite right. I used my sensor screwdriver and found the fitting was, in fact, live.

Some gumboid, inbred lunatic had taken the lighting ring live OUT of one circuit breaker, round the kitchen, then joined it back into a DIFFERENT circuit breaker, so you had to flip TWO breakers to kill the live.

Ceiling fans. The ultimate cure to kids jumping on the bed.

July 4, 2008 at 5:49 a.m.  
Blogger Scaryduck said...

Wow. The Dooleys tried to kill TRT.

I always knew there was something shifty about them.

Canadians: Just talk amongst yourselves.

July 4, 2008 at 10:27 a.m.  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Eh? Moose-skin mukluks. Curling bonspiel. Beaver tales on the canal. Capelin are rollin' in! Etc., etc..

July 9, 2008 at 10:52 p.m.  

Post a Comment

<< Home