The Wrath of Dawn
Stuff and bother
Okay, this idea has been shamelessly stolen from Misty and is inspired by random remarks begun by Tokarev in the comments on the Saturday, May 7 post on Misty's blog, but I'm really, really, really tired, okay? And beginning and ending my sentences with the same word, which can't be a good sign. I'll tell the sordid tale of the theatre production when I get my brain cells back and can write more than 25 words in something resembling a coherent fashion.
So. The routine is, for those of you unfamiliar with the audience participation style of storytelling, I start us off with a sentence and you all continue the tale in the comments box. I’ve started with a Military Pooh theme but feel free to incorporate any characters, scenarios, etc. you wish. And now… on with the story.
We begin (with Tokarev's comment) in Pooh’s house, early one morning… "Bother" said Pooh, as he chambered another round...
Posted by WrathofDawn at 1:26 p.m.
24 Comments:
We begin (with Tokarev's comment) in Pooh’s house, early one morning… "Bother" said Pooh, as he chambered another round...
..."Pow" out of my tomato patch, badger!
"You're right, Pooh, these tomatoes are really scary," replied badger, wearily.
"But add a few spices and cook for a while, and they make a wonderful salsa!" Badger continued.
Badger was an ass, thought Eeyore.
"D-d-d-dear!" said Piglet, as he contemplated the origins of the scary tomatoes...
"Why, I bought them from the greengrocers'" said Pooh, "whatever did you have in mind?"
Piglet was confused. Confused, and needed the toilet.
Which was convenient as Pooh had run out of ammo.
Suddenly, the door burst open with a tremendous BANG, which was unfortunate as Piglet went to the toilet there and then.
"Hello!" said Tigger, pulling an AK47 out from a bag "Anybody want to play?"
"Waaaait," said Pooh. "That's not an AK47! That's a Chinese T56. A cheap sub-standard knock-off of a classic weapon, depriving hard-working Russian arms workers their rightful income. I'm turning you in."
"Oh yeah?" replied Tigger,"I've still got the gun."
"Oh Bother."
And Piglet found he no longer needed the toilet.
"OK, when I say bounce, everybody better bounce, and high! As high as I can bounce, and that's really, really high!" screamed Tigger, waving the T56 menacingly.
But from outside, came a whirring noise and
then, Eeeyore arrived.
"Hallo", said Eeeyore, peering at his tail. Or where his tail would be, if he could see it.
"I've got some kind of new weapon. It has the letters 'H' and 'K' on it."
All of the other Animals ran and hid. Eeyore, not knowing any better, pulled the trigger. Not Tigger, but trigger.
There was much mirth, woe and bloode.
And trembling in boots, for those wearing boots, as it was Immediately Apparent to those to whom things could become Immediately Apparent (this left Pooh in the dark, which is where the kind of things he does should be done) that the 'H' stood for 'heffalump!' There was no more Dreaded Animal in the 100 Acre Woods than the heffalump. Unless it was the woozle.
Just then, the door banged open again, providing them with another fresh crop of ammo, as well as the sight of...
Christopher Robin wearing a nice Little Bo Peep outfit, was enough to scare any woozle that might be lurking around, right away.
"Gneep!" screamed Piglet, as Very Small Animals are wont to do.
But wait! Was it Christopher Robin? Or GW?
It was Wol. In Boots.
Oh no it wasn't.
Oh yes it was.
I'm sorry. I haven't been the same since the pantomime on Weymouth pier.
So as not to lose continuity, here's Ricardipus' next comment... So as not to lose continuity, here's Ricardipus' next comment...
Ricardipus, illiterate said...
"Ah, fart!" shouted Pooh, in his best Newfoundland accent. "Eeyore done shot poor me!"
Then, something else happened. As is detailed below.
"You nimrod!" said Tigger. "That's your Kentucky accent. When will you learn the difference you Bear of Little Brain? Clearly, a Newfoundlander would say, 'B'yes! I bin shawht! In the 'ead! The arse is gone out of 'er now!"
And he went all bouncy on Pooh's head, resulting in yet more ammo. Or salad fodder, depending...
Just then...
a strange, humming noise permeated their minds. It started quietly, but then swirled around their minds, reaching a cacophany of resonance, which burned their brains, and shook the foundations of Pooh's house to it's very core.
And the clock struck thirteen...
"GNEEP" said Piglet again.
"It's the Tardis!" screamed Rabbit, who was given to emotional outbursts. And indeed, it was.
The familiar red phone box materialized dead centre in Pooh's living room, which was peculiar given that Pooh is only 10 inches tall...
The doors swished open and out stepped...
Meanwhile, back in Hundred Acre Wood....
..."Fart!!!" shouted Pooh. "The Tardis is Blue, not Red!!! What kind of transdimensional Kafka-esque Hell is this turning into??!!"
Anna said...
"Ah, fart!" shouted Pooh, in his best Newfoundland accent. "Eeyore done shot poor me!"
Then, something else happened. As is detailed below.
...and Pooh, in a state of shock, poly-fill oozing from the bullet holes, promptly fainted. He dreamt of a talking owl, a tiger with ADHD and hefflaumps from hell. When the finally came to, he saw....
Tigger, standing over him brandishing the Dictionary of Newfoundland English. "Newfoundlanders don't say "done" in front of verbs!" Tigger screamed, even more agitated than normal, having run out of Ritalin.
Before Pooh could protest, or even try to stop the constant poly-fill leakage, the Kafka-esque transdimentional Hell shifted again.
"A rainbow Tardis?" screeched Piglet, who had finally reached his Very Small Animal limit, "Gneep!"
Christopher Robin choose that moment to...
rip off his Little Bo Peep outfit, and expose himself to the woozles.
Who all fainted, as one, at the horror.
The End.
"Oh bother!" said Pooh.
Post a Comment
<< Home