Sunday, August 19, 2007

In the Chamber of The Duck, Part the Second

When we left off yesterday, we had just survived a reenaction of the Second Battle of Ypres. We take you now to the second half of the concert...

During the second half, I closed my eyes, the better to concentrate on the music, when slowly I became aware of the fact that Very Nice Lady had fallen asleep. Not hard to do when listening to chamber music. It can be very soothing. Except she was THIS far from snoring. You know that kind of breathing a person does when they're asleep and you can tell that if their soft palate drops another millimeter they will break out into a full-blown snore? That kind.

What to do? I couldn't let her begin snoring. Disrespectful to the performers and annoying to fellow audience members. I didn't want to startle her in case she let out a yelp or struck out (or had a stroke) or whatever. I waited with bated breath to see if she'd make the transition from deep breathing to full-on snore, devising my plan of attack. I thought a gentle touch to the arm best, whilst bracing myself to leap sideways should she turn out to be one of those violent wakers. I was all set to put my plan into action when I was saved by the end of the movement. The beginning of the next one was loud and lively enough that it woke her up.

It was rather a lot of entertainment for only $22.


Blogger Ricardipus said...

Did you actually get to hear any of the music, what with all the farting and snoring and heavy breathing and trying not to explode with laughter and all that?

Hm. It seems to me that I once heard some residence pals belch "Money" by Pink Floyd. This seems relevant somehow.

*toddles off to play 'Eine Kleine Nachtmusik' entirely with armpit farts and a whoopee cushion

'scsvnmwm' - a WV invented by someone at Google who knows I can't type it to save my life

August 19, 2007 at 4:00 p.m.  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Yes, I did. We mothers can multi-task like that.

Belch singing was invented by Mozart, you know.*

Will you be posting your performance on YouTube?

hmbqmd - humbug physician

*may contain traces of made-up stuff

August 20, 2007 at 12:06 a.m.  
Anonymous wonderferret said...

It sounds like the lady in question had had (i like being able to type that) too much red wine before hand.

drpsgwwz: how a dipsomaniac spells dipsomaniac

August 20, 2007 at 3:20 a.m.  
Blogger Scaryduck said...

"the end of the movement"

She farted herself awake, then.

August 20, 2007 at 5:51 a.m.  

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