Friday, July 07, 2006

Hey, Mr. Trampoline Man
















Way back in February, I wrote about my neighbours, including the Flying Walenskis, my neighbours to the south, owners of the one and only trampoline in the neighbourhood. Said trampoline occupies the same spot in their back garden as the previous neighbours evil, loud fountain. A spot that sits about five feet, if that, from my bedroom window. I have a theory that this spot is a portal to Hell. A Deprive-Dawn-of-Sleep-Hell.

Usually, I am treated to the shrieks of trampolining children during normal hours when one would expect to hear such things. Annoying, but hardly reason for complaint. The little dears have to shriek somewhere. The fact that the parents encourage them to do it whilst and at the same time risking serious personal injury from both the trampoline and the neighbours is not for me to comment upon. Any further.

However... Wednesday night of this week, or more accurately, Thursday morning, I was treated to being awoken by the shrieks of young teenagers on the trampoline. At one o'clock in the morning. One. O'Clock. In. The. Morning. Ever try to get back to sleep after about two hours' sleep? On a hot summer night? Can't be done, I tell ya.

Portal to Hell. Right here in Fog City.

20 Comments:

Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I am actually kinda jealous. I think a portal to hell would be kinda cool.

July 8, 2006 at 6:37 AM  
Anonymous TC said...

I recomend a bucket of superglue on the damn thing.

Won't be flying then, will they?

Come over to the Shire.

It's very quiet.

And there's a big wine cellar.

July 8, 2006 at 6:45 AM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Mr. Fab - It would if it were my portal.

TC - I was fantasizing about a large, very sharp knife applied very carefully to the trampoline at 3:00 a.m. Even the Walenskies have to sleep some time... but glue could be good. And much faster.

The Shire sounds divine. Chill the wine. I'll be there at nine.

July 8, 2006 at 11:00 AM  
Anonymous edt said...

I think we can reasonably deduce your portal-to-hell is the cheap Walmart version without time travel capabilities...I'd say its connected directly to the back yard of this delightful chappy...and would squirrel poo work as an untraceable deterrent to nocturnal bouncing?.

July 9, 2006 at 12:17 AM  
Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

Hand grenades are the answer. Just throw 'em out the window and go back to sleep!

July 9, 2006 at 12:23 PM  
Blogger Jim C said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

July 9, 2006 at 10:11 PM  
Blogger Jim C said...

I've always found a supply of water balloons to be handy...just think of the practice you'll get tossing the projectiles at the bouncing waifs...pure satisfaction when one finds its mark....

July 9, 2006 at 10:12 PM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Squirrel poo and hand grenades and water balloons. Oh my!

If I thought I could get away with it.

Not a lot of squirrles in this neighbourhood. But I have a Beagle who provides an un-ending supply of possible projectiles...

July 9, 2006 at 10:40 PM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Or squirrels, either.

July 9, 2006 at 10:40 PM  
Blogger TRT said...

Oops! Sorry. That's where I empty my chamber pot. Didn't they tell you?...

July 10, 2006 at 6:27 AM  
Blogger Misty said...

Once again, an army ambulance, camouflage net, sniper rifle and bad attitude can help to scare away those that emerge from portals of hell. No home should be without them.

July 10, 2006 at 7:08 AM  
Blogger Scaryduck said...

Plz to have a go on trampoline. Send video. Plz.

July 10, 2006 at 8:22 AM  
Anonymous Ricardipus, vengeful said...

I suggest a well-placed garden sprinkler to soak the offending teens.

Or whatever I suggested before when you had that parking issue.

That is all.


P.S. Cool new banner. A sheep in a flying toaster. Mos' excellent.

July 10, 2006 at 5:28 PM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

TRT - We've had flush toilets for months, now. Where do you think we are? A desolate island in the north Atlantic?

Misty - I like the way you think. (Makes appointment to get Mazda converted.)

Mr. Duck - There will be no trampline videos. Shame on you. Bad, bad Mr. Duck.

R'pus - That 'could' just work. But only once.

The sharp thingies that flatten tires? Hmmm. I don't think they'd be high enough.

And that's not a toaster. Don't let be silly. But thanks. It's a work in progress. One day, it hopes to grow up to be a real banner.

July 10, 2006 at 10:25 PM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

And that's a yak...

July 10, 2006 at 10:25 PM  
Blogger Shining Love Pig said...

If I didn`t suspect you to be an individual of some morals, I would suggest some form of sabotage...

July 11, 2006 at 8:32 AM  
Anonymous Kat said...

Hey! Mr. Trampoline Man
Shriek real loud for me
I'm so sleepy and there ain't no place I'm going to
Hey! Mr. Trampoline Man
Shriek real loud for me
In the darkness of the morning I'll come screamin' at you.

Edges of the trampoline I'm so tempted to snip
So those noisy kids will slip
As they try so hard to flip
My knife I'll start to prep
Would murdering them be such a mortal sin?
I see them turning in the air
Perhaps I'll grab a spade
Ready to dig their graves
Wish they'd slip beneath the waves
Of the other neighbour's swimming pool...

Hey! Mr. Trampoline Man
Shriek real loud for me
I'm so sleepy and there ain't no place I'm going to
Hey! Mr. Trampoline Man
Shriek real loud for me
In the darkness of the morning I'll come screamin' at you

Though you might hear laughin'
Spinnin', kids just having fun,
The noise has got me on the run
Want to go and grab my gun
Those kids have made my pulse start racin'
And if you hear vague traces of silliness in my rhyme
It's mostly 'cause I can't keep time
With no sleep to call just mine
Don't pay it any mind
It's just a shadow of my intellect you're facin'

Hey! Mr. Trampoline Man
Shriek real loud for me
I'm so sleepy and there ain't no place I'm going to
Hey! Mr. Trampoline Man
Shriek real loud for me
In the darkness of the morning I'll come yellin' at you

--------

Okay, it's a poor version, but I don't have the Dylan version with me (just the shortened Byrds version) and this is my 13th hour of work today. So I'm just a little out of it...

July 11, 2006 at 10:59 PM  
Blogger Mystic mog said...

Just surfed in via Scary - nice blog - "ranted and roared" - took me back to my youth of Swallows and Amazons - She was called Peggy 'cause the Amazons were Ruthless - always raised a snigger
cheers
mystic

July 12, 2006 at 8:21 PM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Shining Love Pig - First of all, I love that translation of your name. How cool! And yes, I am a person of some morals. Not much, but some. Luckily for me they stop me just short of actually harming the neighbours.

Kat - We gotta get you a new job, kid! But excellent parody!

Mystic Mog - Ta, pet and welcome! Um... swallows? Amazons? Peggy? I'm confused, but bless. Come back soon.

July 13, 2006 at 12:45 AM  
Blogger Mystic mog said...

Sorry,
They were always singing sea shanties (chorus "they ranted and roared like true british sailors"
in Swallows and Amazons probably a bit oblique !!! Got a rat's nest for a brain which dredges up all manner of things from my youth
cheers
mystic

July 17, 2006 at 6:35 AM  

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